I've been sitting in front of my laptop for at least half an hour now, thinking of how to put my thoughts into sentences...and I think I'll just start somewhere

So first of all: Wow, AFF has changed. I don't know how to feel about it, but I kinda like the blue. Actually, AFF has changed a lot in those three years I've already been here, and the changes will never cease, I guess.
Anyway, I didn't come here to discuss the new layout. I actually wanted to keep it brief, but since you all like my writing and do care about me as a person, I guess I'll get rid of everything that is on my mind.

I was gone for six months and honestly, I can't really recall what I was doing during that time. There was plenty of good news and I've rarely been so happy in my life. However, I still needed to face my fears, one of them being going back to Croatia, where things have changed just as much as here on AFF. And that one fear is also the reason why I have changed. Last year, before I started here as NutellaCookie, my grandfather passed away. I've seen him suffering for over a year, and then I wasn't even able to go to Croatia to be there for him when he needed me the most. I was at work when I got a call from my dad, telling me that he passed away. I loved my grandfather the most of all other people, he was the only one who truly understood me, and now he's gone. And since then my family is pretty much ed up because everyone is fighting. This is also the reason why I didn't want to go to Croatia, because I didn't wish to see my so-called 'family'. But I went anyway, and as I stepped into the house - instead of seeing my granfather sitting on the couch and waiting for me - I was welcomed by the bitter truth and silence. I guess I needed to go back in order to finally get over it, because in the past months I've often cried myself to sleep. 
Cancer is a . And honestly, I hope I won't have to witness a person's suffering again. It's destroying you if you see someone in so much pain, but you can't do anything but watch. And all that resulted in me trying to distract myself by eating and by some weird reason I lost a lot of weight...and it was just some ty year.

Anyway...apart from that, there was also good news. On the 7th September (2 more weeks), I'm leaving everything behind and I'll start anew. I'm going to Aberdeen, Scotland, for 4 years to finish my studies. Even though anxiety has always been a problem for me, I think I'll manage it and be able to enjoy my time abroad. It's time to start a new chapter in my life...

I've been delaying this blog for some time already and I needed to get this done tonight. I am leaving AFF for good. I didn't want to say anything and just leave in silence, but eventually chose not to. I've been here for 3 whole years and a lot happened. I started here as a nobody and struggled through. My first fanfic is...ugh, I don't even have a word for it. I'm even too embarrassed to open the file and read it. Everything was alright...until "November Rain" was created. Damn, I see that fanfic as some curse...because it only entailed problems. That's when the whole plagiarism and started, and by now I cringe whenever someone mentions that fanfic. And as you know, more trouble followed...never ending trouble. 
All these past months, whenever I thought about AFF, the anger just rose inside of me. It didn't take me long to realize that I was a lot happier without all of this, which is why I decided to finally leave this behind, for good. 
This means " Mannequin" and "Once Upon A Frog" won't be completed, ever. You can leave the ending to your imagination. 
As I already said a few months ago, my Eunhae feels are diminishing and I can't and don't want to write fanfics anymore. I like writing and won't stop. I enjoyed writing 'normal' fiction lately, even though I always start something new and never finish something. But this is my own business.

I met a lot of people here on AFF in those 3 years, even some who claim to be my "loyal readers". I think there's only a handful of people who actually do care about me as a person. Others, well, for them I'm just someone who provides them with stories. Because, I'm quoting, "My fics are some of the best, but I totally as a person." (Translated from Spanish) Huh? Someone recalls saying that? Good for you.
I figured so much out somewhere in September 2012, when I left for the first time. The comments on my wall were anything else than lovely. You never wanted me back, no, you wanted my fics. And I know that everything would be fine again if I posted "November Rain" again, because some people here care more about a story than the person writing it. Margaret Atwood said, "In the end, we'll all become stories." I guess I'll be a story as well, a story which you tell your friends. I thought it was a good idea to come back as NutellaCookie, but now I regret it. I should have remained where I was.
I admit that I never really interacted a lot with my readers and that I pretty much avoided you, but I have my reasons. There were only a few who got to know me. I've never been good at dealing with people...I'm an introvert. I'm really trying to come out of my shell, but my anxiety restrains me. And speaking of people, I met a whole bunch here who judge others based on...I don't even know. They judge all the time, without even knowing who's really at the other side of the screen. They pretend to know everything, but in truth they know nothing. There are people who never even said a word to me, who I never even saw in my subscribers list, they are just a name on my screen - yet, they think they know everything about me, and they believe all the bull others are feeding them. Those are the last people who have the right to judge me. Yes, and I'm sure those people are going to put their oar in once I posted this blog and tell the world that I'm a . Well thank you for giving me so much attention! xx
I'd like to see all of your stories get plagiarized and see if you get protective over them in the future or not. People should stop stealing others' work and actually try to accomplish something by themselves.
After 3 years, I'm sure not more than a handful of you actually know who my bias is...sad truth.
And of course there were other kinds of people, like the ones who think they can insult you if you don't give them what they want. Because even if you explain to them that isn't appropriate in a situation where someone almost died...but yeah, I guess you're right, maybe they can the situation better. Seems plausible to me.
There are some people who disappointed me. I'm not even surprised, because there have been a lot of such people in my life.
And now to the people who actually DO care about me. I know that I have some of you on facebook...if you don't wish to talk to me again for whatever reason...then delete me. If you want to keep in touch, good. If others want to keep in touch with me, tell me.

All I wanted is to have a fun time here on AFF, but it turned into quite the opposite. And I feel such a relief now. There simply were a few things that I wanted to say, and I'm tired of pleasing people and keeping quiet. I know that I can't please everyone with what I write, it's natural. It's the same with pancakes...everyone likes pancakes, I don't. 
Some people here think I'm popular, but I personally think I'm not. I never wanted the "fame". There are other great authors here who are way better than I am. Also, some people have great stories but they don't have the attention they deserve. I'm happy with what I accomplished. But all in all, I hate the internet. It's a scary place.

And last but not least, I trully am sorry for the fiasco I created in March. But no one cares about my apology anyway...

That's all I wanted to say. I'll leave my fics here for you to read. Go on, bash me, do whatever you want. Haters, I love you, thanks for all the attention you gave me...it's so nice to see that you wasted your precious time on me. Your presence has always brightened my day.

Guys, if you don't have anything intelligent to say, don't comment. A lot of you say that you understand...but I saw that you don't. Life is no bed of roses, I learned it the hard way. I saw where being too nice got me... I know I'm not perfect. I make mistakes like everyone else does, because life didn't come with instructions.

But in the end, I still want to thank you for the good moments I had here <3 and enjoy Super Junior's comeback!

It's time to log out. I'll come back once to check on this blog before I leave for Scotland...

Goodbye. I can finally leave this behind...

- S.