Story: We Got... What???

Author: WuYeol90

Review for CH4, CH5 & CH6

 

*Title (3/5):      

Okay, so I quite like the title, had to find it though. It creates a sort of suspense and attracts readers, you know, something like wanting to know more. It catches attention and basically it’s a good title for a comedic drama. It relates to the story you’re making and summing it up in a phrase. A catchy phrase!

 

Originality (8/10):

Obviously, you’re basing a story from ‘We Got Married’ but it’s refreshing that you didn’t copy the show’s formatting, not cliché and you write of the entire unedited event. Well done!

 

Plot and Flow (20/25):

-Rising Action-

Reading through the three chapters, I say you have a stable flow going on. You’ve got a clear view in mind on how you’re plotting scene after scene. You’ve taken to the chronological order of writing and that’s good, I like it. And to me you don’t rush, that’s good too! You narrate your story well, going with senses – physical display of emotions and actions.

The flow as I said is well-paced, you didn’t rush but I find that you sort of ‘hang’ the ending of each chapter, making it more like you cut a scene into several pieces as the time set for these 3 chapters are the same. Other than that, I applaud the creative flow!

 

Characterisation and Development (17/20):

Very defining from the start, least from CH4. I have no problem visualising the two main personas. I got more on how they act from the interactions which are quite entertaining, light-heartedly. We get the typical macho + passive pairing. But it didn’t stop there. I like that you develop their characters, like making them open up to each other, making them more realistic.

 

Writing style and Grammar (13/20):

Here’s the tricky part. Abundance use of dialogues and monologues – clear distinctions between these two, good. Repetitive uses of words like ‘just’ or ‘already’, you might need to tone this down. ‘Right now’ usage – can be substituted with ‘at the moment’ ‘at the time’ more appropriate in the context of your story.

For the grammar, there’s mixed use of past and present tenses but no worries, I’ve fixed them. There’s also misuse of present continuous tenses. You’ve used simple vocabs in the first two chapters and I was delighted with the 6^th, it’s comparably better written – more use of adjectives, it’s really great. You’re improving a lot!             

 

Genre (7/10):

Drama. A light angst (like really light) with Chanyeol’s problems in school. Sort of comedic and a lot of fluff.

 

Overall Opinion (7/10):

Personally, I find the way you’re writing this story fascinating. It’s like there’s a balance of childishness and maturity. There are some parts that the story actually becomes quite colloquial and that irk me, like this personal preference ‘blinks his eyes cutely’. I know that you’re trying to improve your grammar and that’s really good.     

 

Rating: 75%

 

Reviewer + Beta: amberwu   

Reviewer's Note: I wish you all the best and hope there will be many who'll read this story! xx

Read the story here: http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/403455/we-got-what-fluff-exo-exok-exom-chanyeol-kris-krisyeol