So... I haven't written a blog post... ever. So I thought I'd begin with something thats been bothering me for like a year. And you know how you ignore something thinking that it'll go away? But then it doesn't. And suddenly this huge dam bursts and you realize all the suddenly. And then you're like "Whoa. What just happened?" 

Yeah having one of those moments right now. 

Now before I begin what I have to say I'd just like to say that I'm not an insecure person. I don't think I'm fat or ugly or any of that. I'm pretty awesome. And nor do I have any dearth of friends. 

So I make friends easily and among them are a lot of guys who are really close to me. And I'm always there for them. Like always. I'm always there to cheer them on when they need encouragement, help them out through tough times and just be there for them. I'm always there. I've taken all their crap and helped them back up. And then one fine day without fail they come up to me and say, "Hey Poorva!" "Yeah?" "I think I like xyz friend of yours." 

And then I have always have the same reaction. I'm silent for a moment but then I grin and tell them I wish for the best for them. And I do. I don't expect them to like me even if with some rare ones I actually like them. I'm still happy for them and wish the best. 

But then this guy. Who I used to like. Does the same thing again. 

And the only thought in my mind is that seriously? Is he kidding me right now? After everything its her? Really?

But this time its been piling up for like a year so I tell him to shove it. 

And this sounds very selfish, I know. 

I'm not friends with guys with an outward intention that they fall for me. But it hurts. It hurts when they don't see what all I have to go through for them. But at the end of the day I'm just that buddy. So I've taken a decision. 

I let these people enter my life too easily, I let them affect me too easily. So no more. I've had more than enough. So I'm closing myself up now. I'm not letting anyone else near me. I'm not letting myself get hurt again. 

It may be a stupid decision... I don't know. I just know that I'm not crying because of one of these guys again. Enough is enough. 

If you've read  this far either you have too much free time or you're a true friend. So I'll keep you close (if you let me know that is). Thanks for being there. I sincerely love you :)