Dear Reader Letter #4

I'm a failure at life. I failed my state test. I failed math to be exact. On that day I knew something bad was going to happen. You want to know why. My luck necklace broke. It was my Heechul necklace. I fixed it though. After I found out that I failed, I cried my eyes out. My eyes were all red and puffy. Lucky I had my sunglasses to hide them. All my friends were happy that they passed. They didn't even think about me. They didn't even think about how I feel. Saying that they feel bad that I didn't pass. No, you don't feel bad. You feel happy because you don't have to take it again. They try to sympathize with me, but they don't know how it feels. I tried. I tried my hardest. I stayed up doing math homework. I stayed up studying. Sometimes I wouldn't go to sleep until 2am just to study. I'm so stupid. I hear the voices in my head saying "you'll never pass" you'll never be smart enough" you'll never be good enough." Do you know how bad it feels? Some of you probably won't.  I don't feel so good now. I have a huge headache. I'm feeling sick to my stomach. I don't want to eat anymore. I have no motivation to eat. I see food and it makes me sick. It always has made me sick. None of my friends know that I don't eat a whole lot. I don't want to tell them, because I don't want any pity. I told you that before though. Sometimes I wonder even if I can call them friends. Sure, I'm always there for them. But they aren't always friends. That's why I like being alone. No one to bother me. No one to lie to me and tell me everything is going to be okay. Because I know for a fact it's not. I hate liars so much. Just make the voices stop! Please, that's all I want you to do. 

With love and care, 

Nicole. 

P.S the song Take me away by Ukiss fits my mood.