Dear Legato A.K.A Lizard Man A.K.A 'Gato A.K.A Toad Face A.K.A Giant Gecko A.K.A Dragon Snake,

Please refrain from biting me. My mom already hates you enough. I barely felt a thing, and you barely drew blood. My dog has done far worse to me, yet she's never been scolded like you have. I didn't think you would try to fit my whole first in your mouth. It was kind of dumb of you, considering my fist is WAY bigger than your head, and you're a monitor lizard, not a snake. You cannot unhinge your jaw no matter how much you try. Idiot. 

I am your mother and I love you, but it is annoying to put hydrogen peroxide on the bite marks, since it burns. I will love you forever, but you are an idiot. 

Love, Mom

New Year's Eve 2017 (early afternoon)

My lizard took a little chomp on my hand this morning. I love him, but he's so dumb sometimes. I feed him regularly, but sometimes he gets a little extra hungry...hehe. Oh well, I knew what I was getting into when I adopted him, and I don't regret a thing. But for anyone considering getting a pet reptile, please remember that they're wild animals, and I can almost promise you that you're going to get bitten at some point in their lives. People aren't perfect, and animals aren't perfect either. We all make mistakes. Please be patient with your exotic pets, since they aren't as well adapted for domestic living as a dog or cat might be. 

I love my little lizard no matter what