I'm typing this on my phone at work, so it might be a bit of a mess. 

Anyway, I'm posting this because our beloved Kim Jonghyun passed away last night. It was a shock to me when I read the news today. SHINee was the band that got me into Kpop. Jonghyun's beautiful voice was the first angel of kpop I ever heard. JongKey was my first ship. SHINee has such a special place in my heart.

The circumstances of his passing are vague, but most news sources are reporting suicide. This makes his death extra tragic and heartbreaking to me. I don't know much about his mental health over the years, but I assume he was suffering from depression. I may be wrong, though.

As someone who personally struggles with depression and suicidal thoughts, I can't imagine the amount of pain he must have been in to decide to take his own life. Depression is a cruel disease and suicide is its ultimate method of taking lives.

All that being said, I have to take this tragedy as an opportunity to talk openly about depression and suicide. Depression lies! It's a liar that tells us we're worthless and the pain will never end. It clouds our minds with lies based on our fears and realities. Never listen to it! No matter how bad it gets, never ever stop fighting.

I've been to that place where I wanted to end it all. I've literally sat in the dark with a knife pressed to my wrist and been one second away from giving in. But, I didn't..,

In those moments there is always one thing that will cross your mind that will beg you not to do it. It may be a fleeting thought of something you're looking forward to, something trivial, but sometimes that's all you need. Even if there's one small thing left that you want to do, hang onto it and let it pull you out.

For me, it's always my family that stops me. I could never do something like that to my mother. No matter how much pain I am in, it's nothing in comparison to what my death would do to her. 

Depression is a liar. It saddens me that those lies too Jonghyun's life. He had people that loved him. That should have been enough to stop him. It should have, but it wasn't. 

Something that bothers me so much about Korean society is the prevalence of suicides in comparison to their population. Something's wrong when people think they need to die over their problems, like school or jobs. You are not defined by your grades or career. Everyone is worth something no matter their faults. Never ever give up your life over issues that may be tough, but can be temporary, or if not, a new path can be found.

Also, mental health needs to be taken more seriously over there and not seen as something shameful. There should be resources for people struggling that they feel comfortable using.

Anyway, Rest In Peace Jonghyun, and if any of you ever get into a dark place and are thinking of suicide, don't you dare give in. Depression is a liar. It's a disease that lies to your mind. Never ever let it win.

If anyone ever needs to talk, I'm here.