I'm normally not the one to come on here and ask for help because usually I can solve this stuff on my own (but then again, I did drink a bit so Im all over the place with my feelings (P.s. No Andys Drunk Adventure storytime. Nothing happened)(Wait two more weeks when I go to Vegas, I'm sure it'll happen then). 

So, I believe I could have ranted about her before in previous blogs but I am too lazy to scroll down my infinite amount of rant blogs to reference them. My best friend, well ex-best friend. The one I told yall (If you remember) the one who changed my life. 

Well, for the last 3-4 years, we disconnected. Completely. As in, we only talk/see each other 5 times a year. 50/50 in Jan, A text on my birthday in March, I text her for her bday in May, Maybe a party in between, in July for friends bday, Sept for another friends bday, and then nothing. And that is considering if I/she attends the party.

But so, whenever we do see each other. We make eye contact, nod, and then ignore each other the rest of the night, with an OCCASSIONAL one sentence question and then we dont talk again for a few months whenever the next meet up is.

But the reason why we disconnected was because I was sick of her . This was someone I considered family, but then she started hanging out with these other old friends from HS whom I wasn't fond of- and then she started developing their mannerisms- which completely turned me off and that made me want to stay away from her.

Then her comments, one by one, began to just jab me in the heart. 

"Hey XXX, When I get my dorm- You'll come up to school and see me, right?" "No, LOL. I got to work. I don't have time for that!" /I visited her every weekend when she was away at uni on my days off/ /She didn't even congrats me on my acceptance/ *I was buying a fancy chopstick set for my brothers friend* "Why are you even buying that? You at using it! *Laughs with her other friend*

And then, as some of you know, I had custody of my 6 year old cousin and my 6 month old cousin. For a college student who had to do full time and then take care of TWO unruly kids all of the sudden, plus deal with two elderly people, I was really stressed out. It got to the point where I was smoking two hookah bowls a day- and one bowl of hookah is suppose to be shared because its the equivalent of like smoking a pack of cigs. Not only that, but I was having meltdowns and really disturbing thoughts. I needed someone to come help me, or at least help pick myself off the ground.

"Hey XXX, can you come over and spend some time with me? I can't handle anything right now" "No way. I'm not being with those monsters. You can come here" /How am I suppose to leave two kiddos in a house by theirselves?/ So I had a ing meltdown on the kitchen floor and asked my long time friend to come over, which she did, every single time.

All of her negativity just reall affected me, so I just distanced myself to the point where I consider both of us strangers.

Well I went to a party tonight, of course the gang was all there, including her. She sat down with my long time friend and I for like two hours, we did not exchange one single word to each other, in fact- I think I made the tension hella thick because my long time friend (who I give rides to cuz she the homie, and lives by me) kept asking me if I wanted to leave. Well Im not gonna leave just because the awkwardness, like gurl, you go have fun- leave me here. I'm not a party person anyways and everyone knows that.

Eventually, I had enough because I had been sitting outside in the humid hot weather for 6 hours. I was so sweaty and stanky, I just wanted to shower. 

We left. 

And like normal, she kind of just turned her head and hugged my friend- I knew she wasn't going to hug me- so I just kept walking like I have been for the last year. Said goodbye to others, and we left.

Well on the way home, I don't remember exactly what or how we came onto the topic, but we started talking about my ex-bf.

Me: She couldn't give two s about me

Friend: "Actually, she really misses you.

Me: "*Snort* Ha.... Yeah right."

Friend: "Remember when she messaged you out the blue about wanting to hang out with her and Bryan? She wanted to hang out with you one on one with Bryan because she knew if you had someone you knew with her, you wouldn't be so awkward if it was just the two of you." 

-Bryan is an old friend from HS who is stationed in like a and only comes home like once every two years- -I denied the request to hang because if I was gonna hang with him, I'll do it by myself.-

"She really misses hanging out with you. Whenever I hang out with her- she always asks about you: what you're up to, how you are, your mom and everything."

I don't know about y'all but Ashley is one hell of an emotional asshat, so it tugged at my heart strings. It made me think that perhaps she really does miss me, because I know how stubborn she can be.... but as Andy, I don't want to make the first move AGAIN and approach her- I want her to approach me this time

but what if that was her attempt approach me.

TT___TT Ashley is too powerful. I cannot right now. I'm just going to blame the alcohol for my emotions.

I dont know... what do you think I should do? Be the adult I am and approach her again with arms wide open for the umpteenth time, or should I continue to wait to see if she will approach me with arms wide opens? 

~Andy/Ashley