You ever have that feeling when you experience this? 

Not comparing myself to this person but Makoto Shinkai said in an interview somewhere that he wanted people to stop watching his anime movie 'Your Name' nor even win the Oscar (he doesn't want it to be a major success) since he is afraid that his future works will always be compared to that award-winning, tear-jerking film.

I'm on his boat on this but fame comes with troubles (not that I'm that famous or anything but still)

Anyone feel me?

For me, it's like:

"Woah this chapter had so many comments and positive reactions"

...and then after an hour or two, it haunts me whenever I write the following chapter; thinking to myself that it will go down the drain if I ever write a ty one after that successful chapter with positive reactions. Hence my unnanounced hiatus and boring influx of posting up fics and then later on bringing them down because I don't want people to expect that much yet at the same time I want to make them give out a reaction to the fic I'm writing. I know it's somewhat confusing but that's how I can put it into words.

There's that constant fear eating me up whole and it's making me crazy, scared- even.

I apologize for making my readers wait and have false hopes so I can't promise you updates on a basis. I would just update whenever I feel like it. Maybe if I overcome that mindset, I would be able to update on a basis, who knows. 

I can promise you I won't discontinue the fics that are still up right now (though updating them would take long) and that I won't deactivate so if I ever leave you would still have something to read :)

Hopefully I wouldn't have any reason to leave this place.

I love you all.

-M