Oh hey guys. So it's been 5 months since my last blog and t'was about depression the last time I checked. I guess I'm doing fine these days. A comment says "being accustomed to it that the feelings are going numb"... I guess I get it now. I mean, I'm used to the pain. Or maybe I just found a reason to actually deal with it. I found a person who's all ears, and that's my new boyfriend. 

Yes, a new boyfriend. I broke up with the guy I've been calling my husband (and basically cut off the engagement with him and every commitments). I broke up with the guy whom I thought were my everything. Whom I thought were "the one". But turned out, he's not. He wasn't my everything. He's not the ideal guy and totally not the best person for me. He's the cause of my problems... my depression. MY ANXIETY. He's been causing me a lot of headaches. Even caused me some severe blood problems (he worsened it, I mean). And that's when I met this new guy... Well, they're actually friends for years. Long story short, I think my ex ditched being friends with him and all. Doesn't matter. I don't and shouldn't care anyway. Not my problem and definitely not worth the worry anyways (omg am I improving hihi). 

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Self harming

Yes, I did that a lot for the past five months. I didn't know how to deal with my stress and anxiety unless I feel pain. It hasn't been that long since the last time I tried it but I don't wanna do it again... I actually feel a lot better now. I realized that self harming isn't something done when you're bored or just wanted to. It's disgusting in a way. You'll be digusted with the idea someday. It's still best to cry the out and just tell someone your problem. It's easier and way better that way. I realized that you don't actually need to harm your self just to be heard... No, you don't need to. You need your self. You need to gather your self together. Talk to your self. Look at your reflection on the mirror. Smile. You'll realize that you're better than this. 

You're better off without the thing that hurts you the most. May it be a human being, things, plans, goals... Whatever makes you sad, get rid of it. Just meet a new person, make new goals, hobbies, buy lots of new things. Something unfamiliar. Something new to you. Be surrounded with new people. People that brings you good vibes. 

I learned a lot these past few months... One things that I'll never forget is: never be friends with a lot of people or be in one hell of a big circle. I learned that the hard way... 

I guess this is it for now...

I'm living a good life... and thanks to the peeps who even sent me a private message thru facebook (applies to those who knows me personally) and here on AFF. 

PS: I'LL BE CLEANING UP MY FICS, DELETING STUFFS AND MAYBE POST A NEW ONE. 

Thank you so much for bearing with me... 

I have a new problem but I guess it's something that I should be dealing iwth by my self... 

I'm sick... hahaha ^^ 

Good night, fellas.

Just lemme know if you wanna talk aboutsomething... I'll be here ^^