Mental Health

Many people probably don't know this about me. I'm battling with Mental Health problems.

I can get mad and angry at simple things and just hate myself for it. Most times I am unable to hold in my angry, but there is some occasion I lash out at anyone who talks to me. 

A major cause of Mental Health is stress and working at a stressful job doesn't help. Working at a Veterinary Clinic does make me happy and is my dream job. However, I have to deal with not being able to save everyone or the fact one mistake can lose a life in the field. My boss finally understands me without me telling him about my illness. 

With stress comes along with depression. Which is one of the reasons, I have not updated any of my stories in the past two months. I am so depressed that I don't want to come out of bed; I just want to close my eyes and live in my dream world. I can break down and cry at any point of the day. Usually, I hid away and just put on a smile.

Honestly, there has been a time I thought about committed suicide or just inflicting pain upon myself. My chest is full of scars from my nails digging into my skin. I now wear clothes that hide my chest. Speaking of clothes, I used to have any eating problem. In high school, I didn't eat at all, and now I just eat the wrong foods. I gained about 30 lbs that I need to lose. I am so body conscious that I hate taking photos.

I need to make a change in my life. I don't know what to do anymore. Even on my birthday I am not celebrating because I have to work late, and none of the friends can celebrate with me. What to do . . . 

Comments

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Moonzy
#1
You are strong and I know you can get past this. Since we share practically the same dream, never feel shy to message me and talk to me about things. Although I do not suffer from depression, I don't know how to help, but I have had weeks where I thought "Why am I going to school? Im too stupid to be here. I should drop out because I am worthless and my friends don't care". With anger, I suggest taking up going to the gym to release anger or perhaps boxing? When I join Animal Rescue, I am going to join a UFC gym so I can release any bottled up anger I cant release at work.

As for body conscious, I am on the same boat. You may need to drop 30lb, but I need to drop 30 * 3. I had gone through a hard time with family and the only way I could feel better is if I stuffed my face. And Now it has taken a toll on me and my stomach, sides, back are filled with stretch marks. I don't take pictures with any friends because I don't want to see that nasty double chin. My friends barely have any photos of me and if it is, its either a special event like graduation OR Its my hand covering my face or the side of my face from turning. But I am slowly turning myself around by eating more healthy and trying to exercise more.

I definitely know how you feel. As for your birthday, I'm not sure when it is or what time you get off, but if you want... You can Skype me and I will celebrate your birthday with you (:

~Much Love,
Andy
Athena66
#2
And yes ,try to find a Mantra that you are loved and you are strong..nothing can ruin you not even your sickness because you can fight it.If you know what I have gone through in Life you will wonder why I am still around.So If I could do it you can too.
Athena66
#3
wow it is hard dear.I know how you feel at times some of us have to under go all sort of experience..knowing you have a problem is consider quite good..but I do think you need help..I too got some help when I was undergoing depressions & anger.Go to a counselor or someone you could trust and could be your listening ears,without judging you.I will pray for you dear..Take care God bless
MarryM
#4
Oh,I'm really sorry,I didn't know u had such problem.
I really don't know what to suggest, I just know it's a matter of time until you'll be back to normal.
I know how painful it is to witness the death of an animal,I've been through this twice when my dog and a puppy we had died,and I know it's even more painful to witness that every day and s.times be the cause of it.
Ask for a day off if it's possible and rest and spend your time out of house with friends or just walk out alone and enjoy the autumn air.
And think of good memories,look at photo albums,anything that could distract u for a while.
And never even think of suicide or harming yourself, it reminds me of s.one very important to me that did this and it was just a miracle that she came back to life.
I hope you'll be back to your old self ;)

and happy birthday again^^
since you're busy,just close your eyes and imagine yourself in your favorite place with your beloved ones.then u'll hear the birthday song being sung for you.now u'll turn around and see s.one holding a birthday cake with your favorite flavor.
Yeah,that's me who teleported there;happy birthday ^_^
sleepingprince
#5
I hope that you'l feel and get better soon. No matter what happens , I hope that you do not hurt or harm yourself in anyway. Life is beautiful. You need to first accept yourself and then things will fall right to its place. It dosent matter what other people migh think or say and etc.. What matter is how you feel.. Spend some quality time for yourself doing things that you like, do some meditation, read some self help books . Never give up.
ellywuzhang
#6
The best thing to do is do things that you truly wants never let people decides for you. And hey you're not the only one who's chubby cute in this worldbut so am i never let it degrade you(yeah i'm fat specially in waist..)!! And never hurt yourself again you're beautiful!! And hey in birthdays i celebrated mine with my dog...his cute hehe an 8yrs old labrador...i never intended to offend you if i said something wrong i just want to help you because i don't like seeing people sad and depress!! <(●U●)/