Is this depression

I know no one will click this but if you do. Thank you

I don't know what to do and I don't know who to talk to. I think I don't trust my friends anymore. I'm only 17 years old and it feels like I'm depressed. Not sure tho. I've been googling about it, I've been doing some self-quizzes but I think I might be exaggerating a bit. I don't want to tell my family about it because I'm scared they'll just laugh at me and tell me I'm just overreacting and being dramatic.

It started in third year of highschool (when I was 15), I started sleeping late. Like 1-3am and then I have to wake up at 5. I don't eat breakfast, but when I eat lunch and dinner, I eat a lot. It went on until 4th year highschool. Then I started feeling it - like no one was there for me. And I cry at night until I fall asleep. I don't even know why. 

I have a problem with my mom and dad. You see, they aren't married and both have their own families now so I feel like I'm not included anywhere. when I'm with my friends, I feel like I have to be in the center of something. When they talk about something, it feels like I should know about it too I'm so scared of being left out. I keep on telling myself that I'm important in some ways. I keep on trying so hard to be a good friend just to be important to someone. 

That led me to obsession about this guy. He's a friend since second year. In third year, we tell each other secrets and our problems in our family. He has this girl he likes, and I know all about it. He really cared for me as a friend. We were friends until fourth year. I started developing feelings for him and I told him that. He said it was alright but I should not expect anything from him because he already has a girl. Of course I still expected something. What would I do? Stop what I feel? Yeah I could do that - NOPE. He showed me some hope, you know. So I told myself, maybe if I try harder, if i care for him more, maybe he'll give back the care I'm giving him. I became obsessed, but not to the point where I stalk him outside his room's window. I really wanted him... I got judged because of it. His girl's friends judged me because I was so crazy in love with him and that made it worse. I know to myself that time that I should stop, it's not going to work. But guess what, I didn't stop. 

I came to the point where I want to hurt myself because I know it was my fault. I hoped for him. I love him because the little care he gave me was the best I got in all my life. Sure my grandparents supported me in everything, financial and everything else but not emotional. I can't talk to them about my problems because it doesn't feel right.

Graduation came and I thought it'll end right there. I won't see him anymore, it's goodbye. 

But I feel lost.

I don't have anyone to talk about my problems anymore. Even if I do, I'm not sure if they'll actually listen and CARE. All the friends I have now, I thank God for them but they also have their own lives and problems. I don't think they can understand like how he does. 

I'm sorry for bothering you with this. I don't know who to talk to really. It's 2:30am and I'm literally crying my throat out. I'm sorry..

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ChaoticDarkAngel #1
Self diagnosis is not always a 'healthy' solution: Sometimes I've been on quizzes where they give heavily false 'symptoms' where they are so far off the track it's not even funny.

I know it may not be easy to do *believe me on this* but I'm with curason that maybe you could try and share your problems with your family/friends. You may think they might not understand, but it could be the exact opposite.

I'm hoping things go well for you <3 If you need someone to talk to about this stuff I'm all ears as well
CaptSunRiser #2
They don't want anything to happen to you, but what can they do if they don't understand how your mind works? It's nerves. It's fear. People hear "depression" and about half of them immediately think of suicide or self-harming. And 99% of the time, that's not what you're feeling. You're not feeling suicidal or anything; you're just feeling alone, isolated, insignificant, worthless and a lot of other things that people might actually be able to help with. Being the "centre of attention" would only help for a moment, because the thing you need to do is to learn to love yourself, and that is the hardest thing to do, because sometimes, you might think "How can I love myself if such-and-such-a-person doesn't love me?" What I would suggest is that person won't be with you 24 hours a day. But you will be. You're the only person who knows what you think and how you feel. It might seem unimportant, but it isn't. It's very important, even if it's only important to you. And it's important to you because you're the one that's feeling it. It's so hard to cope each day with depression.

Hard. Not impossible.

Believe me, your feelings are just as valuable as anyone elses, and you are just as important as anyone else. This one guy might seem like the whole world to you, but I promise you that there will be a day when you will find someone becomes your entire Universe. It's happened to me before now. I met people that have become firm friends. And I've met people that I wish I could un-meet, and people I wish I could punch. But without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. Just as you wouldn't be who you are today without your experiences. You've got many years ahead of you. Many years to find many loves, make many memories and laugh many times. It might not feel like it, but it's true. I hope you never forget that, even if you can't quite believe it. It happens, and it happens a lot.
CaptSunRiser #3
To answer your question, yes. It is depression. It might be a mild form, but depression is much more common than people thing. Here's how I can say it is depression:

1) You immediately say that no one will be interested enough to read this post. In that one sentence, you belittle everything you're feeling as just something that isn't worth bothering about.
2) You end with not one, but two apologies about merely saying what's on your mind. That's belittling your feelings even further.
3) You said you feel lost. I'm going to guess you could possibly add empty, perhaps alone and maybe isolated to that list. I'm guessing you feel like just posting something here will have you judged by all on the Internet.

That's just three things. There are plenty more, your diet actually being one of those things (lack of appetite or overeating are symptoms of depression). But I do think that you have some form of depression. And here's the problem:

You're probably right that your parents would tell you that you're overreacting.

Not because you are overreacting. because you're not. See, quite often, people don't understand just how disabling and destructive depression can be, especially if it goes unnoticed. I'm guessing you've been told to "cheer up" and "think good thoughts" a lot, right? That's a typical reaction. "Just think positive, that will fix it." Why, thank you, I hadn't thought about that. You've just fixed every problem I've ever had, you're a real life saint. It's much much harder to just think positive because the negative feelings are so deeply rooted that it's actually really hard to separate those bad thoughts from reality. But "Just think positive" is a way of excusing someone from actually giving good advice and supporting you because they really don't know what to do.
curason #4
honestly I don't think it would hurt to talk to a professional. self help quizzes will only give you a general indication but they won't help you because they won't be able to talk to you and see what your issues are. friends and family won't give you an unbiased opinion so you'll honestly need someone like that to talk to.
rainbowthings #5
Idk dear but it is better to cry your heart out. And you need sleep and food. A lot of them. :)

I'm sad rn but I'm glad to say things that sometimes helped me when I'm having a dillema with myself. As for me, video games and books helped me a lot.


Aside from those, a prayer is a powerful one. If no one wants to listen or talk to you, theres one who will always be there for you. Pray your heart out :))))


Sincerely,

A random sad girl finding comfort :)
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